girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
