So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize