Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
