Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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