I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
