So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
