Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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