How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
