That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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