so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
