she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize