I wish I only lived at night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
