Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
