Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
