Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
