You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im six kinds of drunk right now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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