I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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