aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
