her vagine was all disorganized.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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