Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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