If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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