I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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