I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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