So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
