u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
