there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize