if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
