you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
