Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Pooping to opera.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
