Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's the barista slut.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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