Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am one with the molecules
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
