I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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