So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize