I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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