do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
