I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize