Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
