Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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