im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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