Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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