i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's official drugs can't kill me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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