In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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