Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
