I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
