I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
