if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
