i jhust puked up my retainher.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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