So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
