My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
