My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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