she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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