cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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