i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
