she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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