i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
