His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
