So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
