Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
