i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
