put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
