hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
