he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
