1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize