Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
