I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
