Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
