Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
