Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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