I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
