I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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