its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
