Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
