Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Screwed.edu
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
