All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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