I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
