I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
