So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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