Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
