i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
