jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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