I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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