Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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