im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
