Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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