he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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