btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
