Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
