i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize