whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
