Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
