my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
