I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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