the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize