so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
