Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
two words: eviction party
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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