When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were trust falling into bushes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
