I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
