def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
