Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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