he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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