So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
